f.

i don't know how i feel. i just can't feel it anymore. it hurts until my bones. all hurted. and i just don't know where i should go. or even just to describe my feelings.

this is the thing i had since that thime. losing smile and having more tears. i write this because it's not happened for once, but for a long long time since late till, now. i jst dont know how to tell everybody abt what i hear, what i had, what i see, what i get, and what i feel. i absoulutely losing my kind. i dont even know who am i.

being like this is not easy. im still a teenager and i think i'm too young to solve this by myself. i need a help. i'm helpless. or even careless.

semua masalah yang dateng akhir kayak muter balik otak gue buat thinking carefuly abt everything yg dateng and goes around di hidup gue. bukan lebay atau gimana tapi guengerasa yang kali ini emang udah bikin sakit abis. i just tired for all of this shit. and no one can help me to stop this, even myself. 

i always trying be fine like nothing happened. but pretending to be fine is not as easy as you say. smile can fake your pain but not your eyes. 

everybody tell me this is just a beginning. you'll find your way so just be patient and go on. yeahaha they said like hat cause they dont know how long i've been waiting for. time run so fast and i still like this same as at the past. am i crazy or what? hahahahahaha. me don't even kno.

sometimes i have an argument with myself. cant stop asking what just i did. why. why. why. and why.

i can't control myself for a problem like this. tryin to forget this one but i never success. yes fool me. 

maybe it's just about finfing a right time and way. i believe to God, for all the ways that i've had are the steps for going to he top. yes i i'm trying to believe. and believing i's gonna be happening. 

someday.